The dark nights have loomed in and I don’t know about you but I am certainly feeling the stresses and strains of it. I am not one for summer – I am definitely a Autumn kind of girl (not just because of my name), but to me it feels like now we’re at the beginning of winter already, and I am seriously struggling with all manners of things urged on by the changes of the season.

Some of you may know that I have a full-time job as well as occasionally blogging, but I have hit a massive brick wall. This week has been incredibly hard! Basically, I am in a job where I love the people I work with, but when it comes down to the work I loathe walking through the doors now simply because it is not something I want to be doing – yes it pays the bills and I am eternally grateful because it got me away from working in retail which I dislike! But I feel like I have wasted a year now in this job when I could be in a job that’s on the way to achieving the elusive ‘dream job’. Yes I know what my dream job is, but it fills me with sadness that I am nowhere near getting it and a year has gone by and I am no where close!

I am actively searching for a new job role in order to enhance my skills and to have a career in the industry which I studied my ass off for and I love. I have had three interviews over the past few months and various telephone interviews too – all of which are incredibly good experience I know, but when I look back at the roles after I wasn’t offered the job – I kind of didn’t want the job anyway. Is it me not liking being told I wasn’t sucessful? Or because I my worth and I am settling for less? I dunno?!

I guess I have been looking for an easy escape to where I am now – because for me, if something isn’t right I immediately feel the need cut it out of my life and never look back (a few old boyfriends spring to mind here haha!) whilst becoming stronger within myself. I am however, finding myself with temporary characteristics which I never felt I would have like randomly crying half a dozen times – admittedly half a dozen times more than I would like to share with you guys but there we go. I am finding it incredibly hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel, simply because the things I have been putting so much effort in to just aren’t coming to anything. For those people who say “you’ll be fine, something will come up for you” will it though? Seriously? I wish I had their faith right now or something to get me out of this rut!

Job hunting is f’ing hard, especially when a career means everything. I enviably picture myself jet setting across the world in years to come, looking back and thinking how blessed I have been – but this is the kind of role that doesn’t just happen over night, it has just always been an image which I imagine. I am a strong person (despite what this post might tell you about me – I am just having a funny 5 minutes or 5 days! haha) and for me a career doing something that I love is the ultimate life goal! Forget settling down and having children (I am only 22), I live for a career! And this is what it all boils down too, this is what I have to remember that where I am now is only temporary and those people that say “you never know what’s around the corner” are true, we don’t. Miraculous things do happen, but they happen when we least expect it. Writing this very personal and emotional blog post about the struggles I am facing now, has actually lifted my mood and got me thinking more positively about the next steps I should take. I hope if you are in the same position too I have offered you a glimpse into my life – in that someone is in the same boat as you!

With this positivity I have seemed to gather from this post (the sun is literally shining in on me as I write this bit), I am going to leave you with a few of my favourite ‘kick up the ass’ motivational quotes that I post on my Instagram on a regular basis and one that I currently have set as my phone wallpaper. Remember I am not a motivational speaker or know anything about it – I am simply just relaying my struggles right now and how I am going to start fighting back by turning them into opportunities (I hope you do too!)

Lots of love

A x